When you're in a relationship, you and your partner might acquire some amusing behaviors. It might be the repeated sharing of an inside joke, the assumption that they would always finish your food when you go out to eat, or something less charming.
In most cases, insecurity in a relationship is not visible.
While reading that scenario may seem to be a clear illustration of how insecurity may destroy a relationship, it's vital to remember that we're the ones reading it. My friend's insecurities prompted major disputes with her boyfriend over why he didn't care about her and why he wouldn't do basic things for her.
Unfortunately, it's all too simple for insecurity to lurk underneath the surface. You or your spouse can be feeling uneasy without even recognizing it. It's the horrible feeling in your gut that you can't explain when the person you're seeing doesn't respond to your texts or shows up on time for your hangout.
The need for evidence of love keeps a relationship from progressing.
Building a real connection is hampered by the desire to be accepted or to see evidence of affection and self-worth. "Actions speak louder than words," as the old adage goes. It's particularly true when it comes to establishing a long-term relationship.
When you've been with someone for a long time, little gestures reveal that they really love you and only you. They may have done your laundry for you since they knew you had a lot of work to accomplish and wouldn't have time. Maybe they "just because" surprised you with your favorite dish from a neighboring eatery. They didn't have to declare, "I love you and only you, and you can trust me!" in any of these cases. But you already knew that.
Insecurity-related behaviors wreak devastation all too soon. You're degrading trust if you're always seeking reassurance, dealing with envy, accusing, and even spying.
Such actions are unappealing and might drive a spouse away.
The majority of individuals deal with insecurity in a manner that exacerbates the relationship's problems.
In order to make themselves feel better in the relationship, people deal with insecurity in a variety of ways. They don't know, however, that the way they attempt to deal with their insecurity problems is making their relationship worse.
Some people are adamant about finding safety.
Although security in a relationship isn't tangible, some individuals wish to keep it. They require some form of firm reassurance at all times in order to feel safe. In this situation, a person would expect security from their spouse by asking them to demonstrate their love by doing something. This strategy is quite similar to peer pressure used by teens.
Things might get out of hand if you ask your spouse to say I love you a particular amount of times or continually ask them to perform favors. And if you're desperate enough to beg them to text you back right away, things are quickly deteriorating.
When a partner is overburdened with unreasonable requirements, he or she will be unable to function flawlessly all of the time. This is not a viable solution to the issue of insecurity. Actions certainly speak louder than words, but they're inauthentic and tiring at best when they're asked by the insecure party.
Some people display their insecurity in a subtle manner.
These individuals think it is weak to acknowledge insecurity, yet inwardly want to be cared for by their spouse. When a spouse fails to see what's going on, it might lead to additional arguments and uneasiness.
They'll make little gestures and utter things like, "I'm OK." They say things like, "Don't worry," or "Go ahead and do whatever you want," but then disregard their companion. This is ineffective in demonstrating that they are disturbed by the conduct.
It's absurd to expect couples to understand each other well even if they don't speak about it. Even if you're ashamed about how uneasy you feel or can't explain why it's still necessary to express your feelings.
When an insecure person depends on subtle cues and acts, their partner will misinterpret their true feelings and take their acts personally. This leads to a lot of misunderstandings since one partner needs to guess what the other is thinking all of the time, and it's unlikely that they'll get it right every time. Passive-aggressive habits such as neglecting a spouse or having temper tantrums may hurt and even outrage a spouse's emotions.
Some people behave as though they are safe.
Out of fear or humiliation, some individuals prefer to hide their true sentiments. While they may have good intentions, such as not wanting their insecurity to harm another person or the relationship, they are simply making matters worse.
It may seem to work at first since the enjoyable time spent with their significant other might temporarily distract them from their uneasy sentiments. However, since they are attempting to repress their emotions, they may wind up absorbing all of the grief.
These individuals are prone to overthinking since they are unable to express or share their unpleasant feelings (about bad things that may not happen). Anxiety or depression may develop as a result of this extended melancholy.
The connection is unhealthy in the long term. Regardless of how hard these individuals try to seem as if nothing is wrong, their spouse will ultimately pick up on the bad energy and the relationship will end.
Being vulnerable is the only way to overcome insecurity.
It is not a mistake to be insecure. It is not a sign of weakness to have insecurity concerns.
Once you've realized you're feeling uneasy, think about why you're feeling that way. It might be based on previous experience. Perhaps you received too much or too little attention from your parents when you were younger? Maybe you were in a relationship with someone who was insecure. Maybe you don't believe in yourself? Shift your emphasis away from criticizing your spouse and onto your own inner thoughts.
Share your findings with your spouse after you've figured out why you're feeling the way you are. Talk about how you're feeling. Tell him or her how you feel and why you feel that way when he or she does anything. Share with him/her why you believe these things cause you to feel that way.
Figure out what you can do with your spouse to keep both of you informed about the problem. To decrease and eliminate insecurity, both spouses must work jointly on specific elements. Take little actions to stop your spouse from texting you right away, for example. Maybe he can agree to text you when he gets to work to let you know he'll have a busy day and won't be able to contact you until his lunch break.
It's critical that you have the conversation, regardless of how you two decide to go with resolving the problem. Things will never get better if this continues. You must make an effort to recognise and fix the problem, whether it is via nighttime chats about how you felt that day or something more intimate like journaling. Remind yourself and your spouse to be patient with each other. When it comes to conquering a hurdle, it takes two individuals to make a partnership work.