Throughout the past few decades, many couples have questioned whether or not living together before marriage is a good decision. The fact that this was not something that people had to worry about in previous generations was due to the fact that it was very rare. However, it is becoming more and more prevalent and acceptable in today's society. However, there are many factors to consider before you and your partner decide to move in together.
First and foremost, you and your partner must evaluate your goals and ensure that you are on the same page about them. For want of a better phrase, are you two sharing a home to test whether you are compatible with one another? Are you and your partner cohabiting because one or both of you want to postpone (or put off) getting married? If that's the case, why are you doing it?
If you wish to live together without being married, you should have a lengthy and honest discussion about why one or both of you desire to do so. Perhaps one of you has the impression that the other wants to get married, while in fact, they do not. Alternatively, one has a certain timeframe in which to be married, while the other does not. Alternatively, one may believe that this is just a committed relationship and hasn't given much consideration to marriage.
It is critical to have this discussion because if you are not on the same page as your goals, it will lead to issues down the line. In this essay, however, we will presume that both of you are aware that the ultimate objective is marriage—not just any type of marriage, but one that is filled with love and happiness, as well as health and longevity.
Is it beneficial or detrimental to live together before marriage?
Let's take a look at the advantages and disadvantages of living together before marriage.
The Advantages
Financial Sharing
This may be one of the most common reasons for couples to live together before getting married. Consider the fact that the majority of committed couples are virtually living together anyhow. They store clothing and other personal belongings at the house of another individual, and they may spend more time there than they do at their own residence. As a result, it would make sense to cease paying two separate rentals or mortgages, two separate electricity and cable bills, and a variety of other expenses.
While this is unquestionably a benefit to cohabiting, you must ensure that you are frugal with your finances. It's extremely tempting to squander the extra money you've saved without even realizing where you've gone with your money. A better option would be to save aside the money from the other household and utilize it to build a future for you and your family.
It will be less stressful when you finally tie the knot.
It may be difficult to share a home with anybody. Everyone, whether it's your own parents, siblings, or children, has the potential to grate on your nerves when you're forced to live in the same place on a constant basis. And it doesn't matter who it is. It's simply a fact of life, unfortunately.
When you are dating or in a serious love relationship, on the other hand, you have had a significantly less amount of time to get to know someone's routines. When you are initially dating, you may not notice or ignore some of your partner's irritating behaviors since you are in a new relationship. It's possible that you'll find it endearing. However, as time goes on, what you first felt was fine becomes irritating you on occasion.
So, suppose that you and your partner had never lived together before getting married and that when you finally did move in together, you were experiencing a mental crisis.
Living together before marriage will allow you to enter the marriage with your eyes wide open, and there will be fewer surprises as a result of your experience.
You get closer to one another and develop a stronger bond.
Intimacy is very essential in any relationship, but it is much more crucial in marriages than in other relationships. Nonetheless, when I use the term "intimacy," I am not referring only to physical/sexual or emotional intimacy. There are a variety of other types of intimacy that are equally essential, including intellectual, spiritual, experiential, and volitional closeness, to name a few.
Let's speak about the concept of volitional intimacy. This kind of relationship is about the obligations that two individuals make to one another. For example, if you and your partner decide to purchase a home, a vehicle, or a dog jointly, you are committing to each other (regardless of whether you are married or not). That type of closeness is represented by the couple's decision to live together.
When a couple experiences all of these kinds of intimacy at the same time, the relationship is considered strong. Before you tie the knot, living together will allow you to "test" and determine whether or not you are capable of establishing and maintaining these intimate relationships. Then it will enhance your relationship and give you greater confidence in your decision to be married.
The Negatives
Other people may not be in agreement with you.
Everyone has a point of view on just about everything. In fact, whether you ask for it or not, most individuals are delighted to tell you what they are up to. Having said that, it may be very difficult to accomplish anything without the consent of your family or friends. Many times, religion comes in the way of your relationships with your family and friends. Most people have a negative attitude about individuals who live together before getting married.
Many Catholics, for example, are opposed to the practice. So, maybe one or both of you grew up in a household that attended church on a regular basis and adhered strictly to the teachings of the religion. If you decide to deviate from the spiritual rules, your family may get very enraged with you.
If both people's families and friends are opposed to their moving in, it is a negative sign. However, even if one of you comes from a family that is not supportive, but the other comes from one that is, this may still create difficulties. The spouse whose family is supportive of the relationship may be perplexed as to why the other person's family is not.
Depending on the severity of the situation, this may result in individuals losing connections with their family and/or friends. This is something to think about carefully before deciding to live together in the same place.
A lack of support may cause your relationship to deteriorate.
Living together with your partner is a significant choice, regardless of whether or not you are planning to get married. Living with anybody other than oneself is not always easy, much alone with someone other than oneself. Of course, having a roommate may help you feel less lonely, but it can also present a number of difficulties in its own right.
If you don't have the support of your social network, it will almost certainly have an effect on your relationship—and not in a positive way. There may be tension and animosity between the two of you, which is lingering in the air. Whatever the words or non-words, and regardless of whether they are directed at the two of you directly, outside influences may nonetheless lead you to disagree with one another.
Living with anybody may be a difficult experience in and of itself at times. If you've ever shared a room with someone, you'll understand what I'm talking about. As a result, if you do not have a strong support structure in place, you may end up jeopardizing your relationship since it may generate new problems that you and your spouse have not yet dealt with. Thankfully it is becoming more common for couples to create cohab agreements with the help of a legal expert. Cohabitation agreements can help to create a safety plan in the event that the problems you face cause problems with your living situations. Since couples are now more often living together before marriage, they have become a popular legal agreement to protect both parties from any eventuality.
Although you will save money, it is possible that your bond may be weakened.
When you are single or just live on your own, you have full control over your financial circumstances. No one has the authority to tell you what you can and cannot do with your money. When you move in with your significant other, though, things may get more complicated.
Despite the fact that you will continue to have separate bank accounts, you will be sharing expenditures. Making decisions on things like how to pay the rent or mortgage and who will pay for food and utilities are going to be necessary, and you and your partner may have wildly divergent views on the best way to go about it.
Then there's the issue of spending from outside the organization and/or from individuals. Perhaps one of you is a "spender," while the other is a "saver." If the saver believes that the spender is being reckless with their money, they will be angry when the spender spends their money.
For example, one of you may believe that purchasing a $200 outfit for the sake of it is a good idea, while the other may believe that it is a foolish choice. For example, one person may wish to spend $300 to prepare a gourmet dinner, while the other believes it is a waste of money. Such disparities in spending habits may create a great deal of friction in a relationship between married couples.
Is it true that living together before marriage may help with the marriage later in life?
While the majority of people desire a clear answer to this issue, the truth is that there is a mixed body of data on the subject. Previous research from the 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s showed that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce than those who do not. Living together, on the other hand, was not as socially accepted as it is now. More subsequent research hasn’t shown exactly the same results, but the differences aren't very significant either way.
Other research suggests that the divorce rate among individuals who live together is not necessarily related to the fact that they are living together in the first place. In addition to cohabitation, the findings indicate that many other variables contribute to divorce.
For example, the age of the couple's first cohabitation is significant. In general, the longer your marriage has been together, the more probable it is that it will survive. Other considerations include personality traits such as the capacity to make long-term commitments. In other words, it is possible that individuals who live together before marriage may not place the same importance on serious, legal, or religious commitment as those who do not live together before marriage.
To summarise, at the end of the day, there isn't a straightforward answer to the question of whether or not living together before marriage is advantageous or not. In the end, it comes down to the people themselves, and the unique partnership as a whole.
What's the bottom line?
Finally, the decision of whether or not to live together before marriage is entirely between you and your partner. As you can see, there is no obvious right or wrong answer—this is a choice that is as unique as the couple that is making the decision.
So, whatever you pick, make sure that you and your spouse have crucial discussions about it and that you both understand the advantages and disadvantages of each option. Then all you have to do is put out your best effort and believe that everything will turn out as it should.
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