Going back to work after having a baby is a major professional (and life) transition. It isn’t exactly simple, juggling the demands of your kid with likely much less sleep than you’re accustomed to while attempting to be the same employee you were before you left. And having a kid alters the way you think about and prioritize your day, and may possibly make you rethink what you thought you wanted out of your job. It definitely did for me.
Navigating those first few weeks back requires patience, self-care, and boundary establishing, both at home and at the workplace. As I’m transitioning back to work for a second time (I recently took almost six months off in between leaving a long-term role and launching my own company), I’m pulling from my first experience returning from maternity leave three years ago and the community of incredible moms I’ve been blessed to be a part of for advice on making the transition out of parental leave as seamless as possible.
1. Be Patient With Yourself
This is one of the greatest bits of advice I received from my employer at the time. You don’t have to be flawless your first day back, your first week back, or really anytime. This goes for parenting and your body, in addition to going back to work. The advice is really fairly universal.
Give yourself some breathing space to get back in the flow of things. Don’t plan large presentations or customer meetings or say yes to big projects right off the start if you can help it. If you can’t resist taking on anything large, try to find methods to take other things off your plate so you can give that one endeavor your full attention.
Do set blocks of time in your calendar to sift through email and catch up on projects, reports, or anything else you missed while you were on vacation. Note: You definitely won’t go through all your emails in one session, and that’s OK. Try addressing the most essential things first and get to the remainder over the following several days.
Arrange individual meetings or coffee dates with your team to hear what they’ve been working on and in general how they’re doing (this will be a great respite from all the work-information overload!).
2. Build Trust in Your Childcare
If you have trust that your little one is loved and cared for when you’re not there, you’re going to be a better, more relaxed person at work. So start searching for daycare early and take the time to get to know your caregiver(s) before you go back to the workplace.
If you’re taking the nanny route, try to have the individual start one to two weeks before you go back, on a reduced schedule if feasible. Play and interact with the infant together and do some errands where you’ve just gone a few hours to get accustomed to the notion of being away. And take your nanny to lunch—sans baby—to get to know them outside of their job.
If you’re doing a nanny share, plan some family hangouts with both families before heading back. And if you’re utilizing a daycare, ask to shadow or watch, take advantage of the tour, and ask any and all questions. Again, having the infant start sooner than required, possibly on a reduced schedule, so both you and the baby can become accustomed to the new environment.
3. Set Clear Boundaries With Your Team (and Yourself)
I came back from my maternity leave to a reduced schedule, so I made sure to meet with my team to explain my hours and come up with new norms in our day, including how we might work together in a manner that made sense and benefitted everyone. The first few weeks I was back, I also began checking in with my team every day an hour before my new “end of the day” to get us all acclimated to the schedule. Even if you don’t have a new routine, make sure your team’s aware of when you are and aren’t accessible online.
It’s becoming more and more normal for new parents to have flexible schedules in those first few weeks back to assist in smoothing the transition back to work. But despite having greater freedom to work from home, I also had to negotiate how to work from home. I experienced, and have heard from quite a number of my fellow parents, that it’s difficult to be in both “parent” and “work” mode at the same time, so even at home I establish limits with myself to try not to be both at once.
When I was commuting, I always checked my email and addressed anything that required urgent attention before coming into my apartment so I could be completely tuned into my family when I walked through the door. My phone and computer go in another room so I’m not checking them in front of my kid or attempting to reply to a client while cooking dinner (and so things like “fart” don’t wind up in business emails—yes, I learned that from personal experience). If you’re searching for additional suggestions, here’s guidance for working from home as a mom.
4. Advocate for Your Needs (and Your Child’s)
This advice, of course, transcends parenting and applies in many areas of life, but it’s particularly essential after having a kid. It’s simple: Ask for what you need and don’t assume others know what it is. You’d be amazed how much people will give you if you just ask for it.
Do you need a meeting relocated so you can make pickup time at daycare? Present an alternate option in your question, but ask nevertheless. Are you not as accessible for after-hour customer events? Advocate for a colleague to take your place, or propose alternative innovative methods to get in front of clients that fit within your schedule. Who knows, there may be other working parents who would admire your creativity.
5. Manage Expectations
I don’t have to tell you that when you have a baby to come home to, you find out fast what’s really essential to get done—and that you need to establish expectations in order to get those critical things done on time.
So when someone asks you to step in on a project, don’t be hesitant to ask: When do you need this by? Is this a priority? How much time do you anticipate this to take?
Then lay precisely what you can and can’t do for them, plainly and directly: “I’d love to work on that, but because I have X to get done by the time I leave today and it’s not a big priority, I won’t be able to deliver it to you until the end of the week. Does that time work for you?”
While you may not be able to satisfy everyone, by being straightforward you cover your bases and demonstrate you’re proactive and committed to performing your job effectively.
Above all remember: There are many parents out there right now who’ve felt precisely how you feel and may still be trying to find out how to do what’s best for them and their families. It’s a huge deal coming back to work after a baby, so perhaps it helps to know that you’re not alone, everything you’re experiencing is legitimate, and it’s good to be patient with yourself.
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