What Is a Soulmate?
We also have our own romanticized ideas of what real love would feel like when we discover it. That's how it'll go. That's how it'll sound. What he or she would seem to be, sound like, and behave like. Even like a handshake.
And every now and then, we get to see the guy. They're right there! Standing next to us in the pub! Or maybe it's just down the hall at college! Even waiting in line at the bookstore!
They're ideal. Anything we have hoped for. As a result, we get involved. Then there's the chase. And you can go for that. And we'll be on our best behavior. Struggle for a shot at the dream union we've dreamed for so long in our hearts.
And it's here where such a friendship comes to an untimely end. Since the other one believes that magic can only be used on a regular basis. Anything that is just a fictitious mark.
Nonetheless, we want to pursue them! We'd want it back! We consider what we would be able to do to save this sinking ship. Can we make any changes? Can we change our habits? Is it possible to alter our whole personality? This is, after all, passion. Isn't it worth making a sacrifice for?
No, I'm here to say something. It's not the case. Because there's a huge, terrible theory floating around in the romance world: If it's not difficult, it's not true.
We conclude that true love must be won. For which I had to fight. I barely made it.
It's not right if it's easy. The depths are shallow. It's far too easy.
For goodness, we must endure. We must weep on a daily basis. We lose our confidence time and time again, just to reclaim it with a sliver of hope.
I humbly submit that such a conviction is the romantic counterpart to receiving a perfect score on a test.
It's just nonsense.
Perhaps it stems from the puritanical roots of our history. The idea that something worthwhile is worth enduring hardship for. Although I accept that love necessitates effort, persistence, and forgiveness, I don't believe it can necessitate constant, continuous damage control.
It's not a friendship; it's a doomsday experiment if the relationship you're in needs continuous, continual acrobatic maneuvers to stay afloat.
Relationships can be simple in general. Everything is off if they take a lot of hours and a lot of time.
Chances are, one (or both) of you aren't healthy enough to be in a partnership in the first place, and you'll need to head out on your own to discover how to be completely content with nothing but yourself to hold you going. One of you has unreasonable aspirations of what the other can deliver on a daily basis. They believe you owe it to them to keep them amused at all times. Alternatively, you might be wined and dined. Even sexually gratified. Alternatively, you should be mentally saved. Or bailed out financially. Neither of these options is viable.
As a result, I'll say the following:
When you're at your best, don't pursue the guy you can barely hang on to.
Look for someone with whom you will be comfortable even though you're having a tough day. Or maybe a week. Alternatively, a month.
And certain days can come up again over the course of a partnership.
And the individual who is just pleased for you when you are a superhero would not be there with you when you are no longer a superhero and need their help.
But don't bother about the supermodel. The need to get your own Jessica Alba or David Beckham. It could be a paradise for a week or two, but as soon as you struggled to be the epitome of perfection for more than 2-3 seconds in a row, they'd dump you. The dream match with the Mister or Miss Right we've always dreamed in our hearts isn't going to last through the mundane days of regular life.
The one who is genuinely perfect for you is most likely the one you deal with on a daily basis. Or the one you've met casually for five years in your group of friends. Who has seen you at your highest and worst? And he's always standing by, a firm believer in your enormous ability. If you just owe them a shot, they're potentially a fantastic kisser. That's the one with whom you'll get along swimmingly in the long run.
But the next time you're on the hunt for the one, don't look upon a stage or pedestal for some shining manifestation of your dreams. Turn around to glance at the back of the head. You should look at the individual you might have forgotten. The one who is everything you need them to be and more in a silent way.
What you have to do now is take a closer look at them.