What Is Mindful Parenting?

What does it look like when you're stressed?

As a safety net, our bodies and brains are designed to respond to high-stress circumstances. When our brain detects danger, it sends a signal to the amygdala, the body's "alarm" system, telling it to respond without thinking. The amygdala reacts to circumstances by either fighting, fleeing, or freezing.

This is to protect us, but our stress receptors can't tell the difference between actual and imagined threats. Our stress reaction is often activated needlessly in daily parenting by situations that are not life-threatening. Our bodies respond to our children dumping cereal all over the floor, in the same manner, they would if a bear was chasing them.

Your stress reaction may be activated more readily than other people depending on your childhood events and recollections. We have trouble thinking clearly and paying attention to those around us when our stress receptors are activated. We are unable to respond thoughtfully, have difficulty remaining focused, and our capacity to solve issues is harmed.

During difficult parenting times, we may "lose control" or "flip our lid," allowing our emotions to govern our responses. When we "fly off the handle," it occurs so fast that we don't consider our children's reactions. To children, our responses may be very frightening. We're also demonstrating that this is how adults respond to stress. We can show kids that they, too, may stop and choose to respond rather than react if we choose to be more aware by pausing before reacting.

What does it mean to be attentive as a parent?

The key to teaching youngsters how to control their emotions and actions is to manage their own. It's why airlines instruct us to put on our oxygen masks before putting on our child's masks. Before you can model regulation for your kid, you must first be regulated. Unfortunately, you can't be present for your kid while you're worried, tired, and overwhelmed.

Mindful parenting does not imply that you are a "perfect parent" or that you may fail at it. It's not simple, and it takes practice, but, like with many areas of parenting, there are good days and terrible days, and you can always try again. You may forget to remain attentive, but the moment you become aware of your distraction, you have the option to make a new decision - the decision to be present.

Instead of being hijacked by your emotions, mindful parenting involves bringing your conscious attention to what's going on. Mindfulness is about letting go of previous guilt and shame and concentrating on the present moment. Accepting what is going on rather than attempting to alter or ignore it is the key.

Being a mindful parent entails paying attention to your emotions. It does not exclude you from being furious or irritated. Of sure, you'll have negative emotions, but acting on them without thought undermines our parenting.

The advantages of attentive parenting

You become more conscious of your ideas and emotions.
You become more aware of your child's needs, ideas, and emotions, and you become more receptive to them.
You improve your ability to control your emotions.
You and your kid become less critical of one other.
You become better at taking a step back from circumstances and avoiding rash decisions.
Your child's connection with you will improve.

How to Parent with Mindfulness

Consider a time when you were unhappy or furious with your kid - a time when you responded instinctively, as most of us do when confronted with unpleasant thoughts, emotions, or judgments. It's difficult to be our best selves in stressful circumstances when our emotions are readily aroused. You may anticipate your kid to come across such triggers.

You must first get acquainted with your "hot spots" and emotional triggers in order to make the decision to alter your habits. Hot spots are moments throughout the day when we are more susceptible and emotionally unavailable. We may be worried, weary, overwhelmed, or powerless, or we might be busy with jobs or our spouses.

Emotional triggers are memories or judgments from your upbringing that may surface when your kid does a particular action:

Your kid acts in a manner that contradicts your values. For instance, your child tossing food at a restaurant or collecting all the toys in a shop, making you feel embarrassed or ashamed.

Childhood memory and reaction may be triggered by your child's conduct. For example, your kid is not performing at the academic level you believe they should be, and you feel like you failed as a parent since your parents thought a poor grade wasn't good enough when you had one.

A traumatic condition or incident may be evoked by your child's conduct. For example, if you fractured your arm as a child while climbing a jungle gym and are now afraid to take your child to the playground.

The lens of fears and wants is activated by your child's conduct. For example, if one of my children wakes up the other throughout the night, no one sleeps and everyone is screaming, and I'm afraid I won't have any adult time now that I'm a parent.

You must first be able to identify and predict what kinds of circumstances are likely to provoke hot spots and emotional reactions in you in order to feel in control of your emotions.

There are three essential components to mindful parenting.

1. When you're having a disagreement with your kid, pay attention to your own emotions.

Consider your most recent quarrel or a tense scenario with your kid. What emotions are elicited? Are you enraged, humiliated, or ashamed? Consider your feeling or trigger as a wave that comes and goes. Avoid stifling or suppressing your feelings. Don't try to push it away. Don't pass judgment or dismiss it. Don't attempt to hold on to your feelings. Don't hold on to it. Don't make it any larger than it is. You are not your feeling, and you are not obligated to act on it. Simply be present, completely aware of your surroundings. Remind yourself that you are not to fault for what occurred, neither you nor your kid.

Next, attempt to view the issue through the eyes of your kid. Consider a moment when you felt connected to your kid and reacted with compassion if you can't find goodness in your child during a tantrum or disagreement. When you're feeling provoked, try to recall that version of your kid.

Make an effort to recognize when you start to feel nervous or irritated as you go about your day. This may indicate that you're being triggered. You may go to the following stage after you've identified your triggers.

2. Learn to take a breather before reacting angrily.

Finding that quiet place in the midst of the chaos is the most difficult and crucial aspect of mindfulness. Because emotions manifest themselves as changes in body or breath, we practice locating this place by concentrating our attention on our body and breath. Slowing down and focusing on our body and breath causes a physiological shift that reduces reflexive reactions while increasing prefrontal brain skills.

All of this contributes to a calmer mind, allowing you to sit with the feeling. We may perceive emotions as sensations in our bodies when we are able to stop, rather than feeding them by concentrating on the trigger. We may remind ourselves to breathe and return our thoughts to the present moment in that place, and then select how we want to respond rather than reacting because we are out of control.

3. Pay attention to a child's point of view, even if you disagree with it.

Your kid will behave as if he or she were a child! This implies that they will not always be able to control their emotions. Kids (and most adults) are still learning to manage their emotions and have different priorities than you. Their actions will irritate you at times, and that's OK.

The issue arises when adults start behaving like children as well. Instead, if we can remain aware — that is, recognize our feelings and let them pass without acting on them – we can model emotional control for our children.

It takes effort to learn to pause before reacting, and our capacity to regulate our emotions varies depending on the circumstances. That is why it is important to practice self-care. We can't give us all every day and never take the time to replenish ourselves. Many parents feel bad about looking after their personal needs. This isn't self-serving; it's essential. Make self-care a priority since the better you feel, the better you'll be able to deal with the difficulties that occur.

Understand How to Assist

It's critical to understand how to assist yourself and fulfill your emotional requirements. Self-care can include anything from writing in a journal, taking a shower, going for a walk, or talking to your partner or a friend to taking a time-out by hiding in the bathroom when you can't handle your kids (which I did last night), taking a few minutes of deep breathing, or turning off the television so you and your child can get some alone time, to writing in a journal, taking a shower, going for a walk, or talking to your partner or a friend.

And, on occasion, we are unable to stop ourselves in time and respond in ways that we later regret. We may apologize to our children after yelling at them at such times since we are still learning and parents make errors, too.